Blog # 3 Loss is a gift

In my time as a life coach, I have observed the difficulties clients experience when propositioned with letting go, missing out, losing and failing. I have supported many people after life threw curve balls at them and things didn’t work out according to plan such as a marriage ending or a job made redundant.

I have seen firsthand how hard it is for people to create opportunities and reinvent themselves when experiencing significant loss. It is heartbreaking and it’s not their fault. Ideals and expectations corrupt and prevent people from truly living life. The idea of winning and wanting more seems to cause endless suffering, yet it appears to be the human condition. People are literally killing themselves by hanging on and attributing value to external ideas, opinions, people and objects.

Since becoming chronically unwell I am asked alot of questions about my losses. I am perceived by many to be taking it in my stride and to a large extent it is true. Here are my musings as to the reasons why this might be.

For starters I do not consider I am losing….

When my driver’s licence was revoked on medical grounds, I realised I would save money, no longer be stressed in the traffic and gain space. I became grateful for online shopping, my ability to still walk, my friends, kind gestures, saving by not unnecessarily spending, limited exposure to petrol fumes, accidents and much more.

When my fingernails fell off I no longer had to put time, effort and money into maintaining them. While I developed an acrylates allergy and have to be careful, this condition may have saved me from a future cancer or from a fungal infection where I lost my fingers not just my fingernails. I can now monitor my health better as fingernails can be an important indicator of what is going on in the body.

When I lost clients, I learnt who respected their connection with me, my intelligence, instruction and humour. I also learnt who genuinely cared about people, safety, health and hygiene. I became better at asserting my boundaries and at identifying opportunities. I was fortunate enough to reinvent myself, my ethos and my business. In doing so I was able to establish a work pattern and hours that would allow me to heal. Working less highlighted that what I had been doing was exhausting and isolating me from my friends and demonstrated that I was sacrificing my peace and health for some people who did not even respect me. 

I lost my ability to run errands, walk around the shops, go dancing, host parties, attend events, visit friends, travel, go to day spas, visit exhibitions and galleries and plan holidays. This taught me to true gratitude. I am grateful for the sanctuary that I created that is my home, for social media and for all my beautiful friends who write to me, visit, call me and laugh with me. I still enjoy art, even more so as the artists are my friends. I know talented artists who show me their sketches and paintings. If I need art, all I have to do is stare at the sky or spend time in my garden. I no longer have to endure long flights to learn about the world around me. I can read about history and geography and be cultured by my international friends. For instance I do not need to visit China, I’m fortunate to experience the beauty of this culture through one of my best friends who enlightens me every day.

I lost my fitness, my muscle, my agility, my physical skills and my energy. This has made me a better coach and trainer. In this loss I have learnt about pacing, rest, recovery, POTS, dysautonomia, post exertional malaise, chronic conditions, exercise intolerance and pain. I know exactly where the organs are located, how they function, how to feed and repair them, how to better nurture them. I’m now more astute in referring clients to health professionals as I notice more because I feel more and I have learnt more.

Ultimately I discovered there really is no loss. My ability to find humour in everything, to genuinely connect with people, my hard work, adaptability and my life long education has protected me and allowed me to experience joy through all my suffering. While not regret free, I do my best to identify my mistakes, I seek feedback and apologise when I should and in this I experience freedom. I enjoy my own company and want to leave this world helping others and with peace of mind.

A takeaway if any from my blog is to embrace your losses as they are likely gifts you haven’t recognised.